Bringing in a relationship is a rite of passage for many teens in high school. But the key thing to keep in mind is, ‘Is it really a healthy relationship?’ There can be many signs of an unhealthy relationship. Councilor Brooke Mathews talks about a few of these red flags.
“I think anything that makes you feel less than or gives you pause or anything that doesn’t sit right in your gut is kinda the first sign. There are also more obvious signs like actual abuse, but I think sometimes just knowing you’re not feeling the best version of yourself with that person is probably the first red flag,” Mathews said.
Being yourself is what helps to make a healthy relationship; without doing this, lies can be planted in the relationship. Another stipulation of an unhealthy relationship is not being able to do things freely.
“I think the biggest thing is not feeling like you can do what you wanna do when you wanna do it, and they’re trying to put barriers or make you feel guilty for it, that right there… You’re trying to be controlled,” Mathews said
Being controlled is one of many warning signs of toxicity. Trying to mend broken wounds within a relationship can start to take over someone’s life, sometimes to the extent of focusing more on their significant other than on their school work and mental health.
“I think you’re so worried about it, it’s consuming. It’s consuming your thoughts, you’re probably anxious, probably not sleeping, and tired. So you’re not performing well, and it’s a cycle; it just starts with that first emotion and just knowing it’s not right, and it just spirals,” Mathews said.
While taking so much time and being so consumed in something, reality starts to slip. Counselor Dena Strauss has some thoughts on how teens can be blind to what a toxic relationship really is.
“Well, my first thought is, love is blind, and you don’t see all these things. I think sometimes people in those kinds of relationships are desperately looking for love or acceptance or something, no matter who or what person is giving them that,” Strauss said.
Love can be very blinding, especially when someone isn’t looking for the right things in a relationship.
“People put up with a lot of things because they think ‘that’s the best I can do,” Strauss said.
Sometimes people put up with things because they feel like they can’t leave their significant other or the memories they have made together.
“There’s pressure to stay in a relationship even if it feels unhealthy because people hold onto the memories, not the person,” sophomore Zyanne Hunnicutt said.
It isn’t always easy to leave a relationship or speak up when one has turned bad.
“Sometimes teens stop themselves from speaking up when they notice something’s wrong because they want to keep the peace, and they don’t realize that the other person’s peace is not their own,” Hunnicutt said.
Being selfless can protect one person, but it doesn’t always help the other end of the relationship. The change to this toxic behavior has to be made through oneself; someone can’t fix what or who they didn’t break.
“It’s not gonna change because you can’t change anybody, they can only change themselves,” Strauss said.
Being in a relationship has its many challenges; knowing when enough is enough can save someone from the dangers of a toxic relationship. If you ever feel like you are in danger or abuse is being inflicted on you, there are resources to help. National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474, text ‘LOVEIS’ to 22522, or visit loceisrespect.org.
